PGH Walk

On Sundays, I go to PGH to attend sunday mass in the chapel. Sometimes, it can get so lonely since not too many people are around during that time. Well, except for the chapel itself, maybe. But it's different knowing how PGH is like when there are many people around and actually being there when nobody is. I've been going there for three Sundays already (I think), and today, I decided to bring my camera with me, since I'm lagging a million lightyears behind my 'photography'. So here are the two best pictures I got from the place. I hope you like them. :)

 

To Do

I have a lot of things on my mind for this break, and I really want to make these things happen. Of course, I'm going to start by NOT playing Sims 3 anymore because it ruins everything! 

• Buy my boyfriend… a Christmas present (HAHA)
• Give my room a makeover while cleaning it in the process  (I just cleaned it, though -__-)
• Catch up on American Horror Story
• Catch up on Glee (This is optional judging how ugly the storyline has become.)
• Watch City Hunter (Hi, Gizelle!)
• Update my music
• Delete files from my laptop to free some memory
• Practice shooting with Magnus
• Watch all unwatched movies in my laptop

But yeah, this is not FINAL. I'm sure I'll be removing or adding stuff to this list as my vacation progresses. I only have one goal...TO MAKE THIS VACATION COUNT. 

RIP Steve Jobs

Even though I don't own any Apple product, Steve Jobs's passing still left me shocked. Especially now that I know some things about his life like how poor a college student he was (which was the same reason why he dropped out). But what I liked the most upon reading Yahoo's 9 Things You Didn't Know About Steve Jobs is the part regarding his romance with his wife. According to the article, Steve ditched a meeting just to go on their first date! Awwwwww. :)

"I was in the parking lot with the key in the car, and I thought to myself, 'If this is my last night on earth, would I rather spend it at a business meeting or with this woman?' I ran across the parking lot, asked her if she'd have dinner with me. She said yes, we walked into town and we've been together ever since."

-Steve Jobs

Thoughts

I think too much.

I think too much, and I’ve come to hate it. Not so much, though, because it becomes useful…at times. I over-analyze things and end up being confused even about the simplest things. Sometimes it helps like when I use my thoughts to solve the problem, but sometimes it destroys me especially when I think about the future too much. The future is the future. Nobody knows what it holds. I should not fear it. I should not think about it too much. It cripples me. Maybe I can give myself a chance to do so, but not so much.

Not so much. 

12:30

It's past midnight, and I'm still here...typing. I have this weird sense that by sleeping, I'm wasting time. No, not really wasting time. It's just that I think that I'm better off doing something else instead of sleeping. Especially now that my summer break is nearing its end, I want to make sure that in every minute or every second of it, I did what I really wanted to. Sleeping takes so much time, and I was never one to actually sleep just for the heck of it. I sleep when I'm tired or when I'm really, really sleepy. But if I'm feeling fine and there's so much to entertain myself, I fight off the urge to sleep.  

That's what I just did. 

Coincidence

My Mom and I were alone at our living room watching this primetime show with a very lame title. While lying there on the couch, I started crying. Yes, I just started crying. I was crying because on the 19th, my parents will leave the Philippines and go to the land of milk and honey. Sad. She started comforting me by saying that it'll all be well in the end, and that someday all of us will be there. Once they leave, I'll be left here in the Philippines with my older sister and her husband and child. My two siblings, with their respective families, have all migrated to the states already. I'm going to be really independent from then on. I don't know how I should react.

So there, after that emotional episode I had, we went upstairs. My Mom wanted to sleep in my bedroom because there was something going on with my Dad. There she was on my bed watching TV while I had my back on the TV and was surfing the net. Suddenly, she came across a TV show regarding migration. The guy on the show said, "Ok lang naman mag-migrate pero dapat buo pa rin ang pamilya." Bingo. 

He went on and on about how great the value of the family is to us Filipinos and that we should remain solid as much as we can. 

Oh yeah. Someone's playing tricks on me. 

I Wanna

There are things that I really want to do, but because you can't always get what you want, I end up dreaming--just dreaming--that someday, in another lifetime, I'll be able to do these things.

I want to cut my hair short. I just want to feel light and carefree. That's how I perceive people with short hair. I think they're really liberated and free. Since I'm not really carefree or free or liberated, I guess I want to look the part. But no, because of my face shape, I just can't. It's just going to make my cheeks look fuller. My hair isn't that great too. It's just going to go in all directions once I cut it short. Having it long adds more downward 'pull' to my hair. 

I want to shift to another course. Yes, that's right. I don't want this course anymore. It's really, really hard. It's physically, emotionally, and, of course, mentally demanding. In the two years that I've been studying, I feel like I aged 30 years more. Or maybe, I just don't want to stay in this institution. I really want to go yellow. 

I want to go on a road trip with my girlfriends. I've been dying to do this. Again, I just want the feeling of liberation. It'll be really great. Going on a road trip with my closest friends will definitely be fun. I bet everything I own that it will be a rocking road trip. Crap. I don't even know what to say anymore! 

I want to get married early. I know, I know. I'm better off wishing for a rainbow-colored whale shark than to actually wish for this one to come true. But I'm a hopeless romantic. I want to get married before I enter med school. But of course, no kids until I graduate. I think it would really be great to have somebody to go home to after a tiring school day. I want him there, beside me, while I study. I want him there, preparing cups of coffee while I pull an all-nighter for an exam. Sigh. Dreams. 

I'm a coward. I don't act on these dreams because I can't. I live by other people's rules, and it'll break so many people's hearts if I start acting on these (especially the last one). But maybe, someday, I'll finally get the courage to do these things. I think the road trip doesn't sound so impossible. I just don't want to be the designated driver, okay? That would mean I'd have to focus on the road all the time. That's not going to be fun. I hope everybody's car has insurance. 

I Hated Boys

One big difference between the Joyce now and the Joyce back in high school is the fact that I used to hate boys.

I wasn't a total man-hater, but I can say that I only liked a few of them. By few, I mean really few. I only had a few male friends back then. By the word 'friends' I mean those people who were in constant interaction with me and those whose company I usually kept. And of course, I had a boyfriend (Hi, Ken!). I just acted casually with the 'other' boys, and I never really had conversations with most of them. Why? Because they couldn't! We had nothing to talk about, and they made as much sense as a conch shell. At first I thought the fault was within myself, but as I logged in to Facebook, I was reminded that it wasn't totally my fault.

Now in college, I have a lot of guy friends. They arrived as easily as my new 'girl' friends, and they stayed as well. I'm glad to say that I enjoy their company--a lot. It's different to how things were in high school. I guess I just 'connect' better to my newly found male friends than to those in the past. We love having conversations about stuff we're interested in, and they don't stupidly post repeating comments. I'm glad I met these people. They've proven that there ARE nice guys on earth and that they can be your friends--good and intellectual friends, too.


Some things never change, though, like IQ levels and senselessness. I'm just glad I'm no longer in high school.

Meet Rosalie

Once again, Sims 3 got me hooked until one night one of my sims turned jet-black and it scared the hell out of me. In the past, I posted one of my sims' stories here in my blog. I wanted to post something about Marcus Frio, my legendary rockstar sim who had 16 children (most of them were illegitimate, of course). But I was so hooked that I didn't even have the willpower to get off the game and actually write something about him. Now I just want you to meet my prettiest sim ever, Rosalie. 

She's a 'legitimate' granddaughter of the legendary Marcus Frio. I'm proud of her because she turned out beautifully. I didn't create her, ok? It's a rare occurrence to have a gorgeous sim child from pre-existing sims not to mention that this one belongs to a generation of sims already. 

 She's quite popular.

And she's a doctor.

I'll post something about the Frio legacy sometime in the future.

p.s. I didn't give her that stupid name. She was an illegitimate child and her mother named her without my consent.

I Don't Want To

I don't feel so good today. I feel lazy, tired, and overloaded. I have so many unfinished businesses and there's so much I have yet to decide on. Worse, my future doesn't look so good (my parents are leaving, class starts on the 14th). All these things make me feel burdened, heavy, and weak. I don't feel like doing anything today but relax. I have a lot of books here that I want to read which I might start doing later. I just want to lock myself up here in my room and rest with a book. I don't want to think. I don't want to follow orders. I don't want to be me for just one day. All I want is some mindless idleness or to just do things that I enjoy without all the pressure. 

I don't want to think of the future just now.
I don't want to worry about school.
I don't want to worry about my grades and my scholarship.
I don't want to leave my room.
I don't want to leave this bed.
I don't want to explain myself.
I don't want to answer other people's questions.
I don't want to deal with my problems.

Maybe, just for today, I don't want to be me.

Books

My Mom and I went to the mall this afternoon. She had to go to the bank and do some stuff there. Luckily, right in front of the bank was a large book clearance sale. (Yay!) So automatically she asked me if I wanted to stay there and rummage for books while she went inside the bank and did her thing. I was screaming inside since my original goal was to buy just one book (for financial reasons) from Powerbooks or whatever. And when I saw THAT, I was ecstatic. 

I carefully went through the neatly stacked books and scanned for nice titles like 'Kill Me, I'm a Dolphin' or whatsoever. There were lots of books to choose from, and they came at such low, low prices. There were books worth 20 pesos! They were those teenybopper novels though. So I went around the place looking for a potential good read. I I planned to get a handful of books and then choose from those in the end. However, it didn't turn out like that. I ended up buying every book I got interested in. (Oh well) 

I was shocked when I found a hardbound copy of Maximum Ride so I snatched it immediately from the stand. All of the books I bought, except for Maximum Ride, were all brand new. It was still in good condition, and it really was a bargain. It was worth 80 pesos only! After that, I walked around some more to find some more books. One of the salespersons was already bugging me and offering her assistance in carrying my books. I happily declined. I considered that as an insult to my machismo. But in the end, she wound up carrying my books because I had to kneel down and look at the books down below. I spotted some books by Stephen King but knowing how boring some of his books turned out to be, I skipped out on those. I've become more jumpy and anxious ever since I started reading his books so I try to stay away from them. Right now, I'm in the process of finishing Stephen King's It. Hell, it's as boring as your grandmother's boobs. Moving on, I ended up buying five books. (see picture)

My reason for buying Maximum Ride was because I found it really cheap. It's a good book, it's a hardbound copy, and it costs so less. Who wouldn't buy it? I bought In the Hand of Dante simply because I was intrigued by its plot. It's somehow related to Dante's Inferno, and just last year, I bought Dante's Inferno from another book sale. As you can see, Happiness Sold Separately is quite different from the books I usually read. That's exactly why I bought it. I'd like to explore that genre more. And yes, reading the first page got me hooked so I placed it in the growing stack of books I was hugging. Next, I bought The F*ck Up because I found the plot hilarious--very, very hilarious. It's about a guy whose life gets, you guessed it, so F-ed up. He even ended up having to pretend to be gay just to have a job--being a porn star for a gay porn film. (HAHAHA) And of course, I bought Coraline simply because IT IS CORALINE. 

There you go, the five books I bought today. Believe me, they cost me less than 500 pesos. No, not 499--420 to be exact. 

Shopping for books always beats shopping for overpriced clothes that all look the same anyway.

I need to go now. I need to finish reading Coraline. 

Seriously. 

Summer Goals

• watch all the movies I downloaded while cramming last semester
• practice playing the violin
• practice playing the piano
• practice playing the guitar
• bring body clock back to normalcy
• hang out with high school friends
• eat Bon Chon chicken
• finish reading borrowed books
• open a bank account in BPI
• save money for a new camera 
• revive blog

flowers for you

My parents are watching what looks like a soap opera marathon. The title of the soap opera, you don't want to know. Well anyway, I was forced to watch it as well since they won over our living room TV. In fact, as I type this post, I'm listening to it. But let's just get to the point, shall we?

I happen to have a glimpse of the events in the show, and I saw a guy giving a bouquet of flowers to his 'main squeeze'. It happened not only once, but thrice in the same episode. Each involved different pairings. So something entered my mind.

I was reminded of the people who always emphasize that they don't want to receive flowers on v-day or on any other occasion since, according to them, it's not 'practical'. I'm not one of those people. I love receiving flowers! They may not be really useful afterwards (unless you want to beautify your room), but the beauty of the bouquet and the feeling one gets when receiving even just a single long-stemmed rose are priceless. It makes you feel more beautiful and appreciated...or something like that. Well, not just that. There's more to it, and I just can't explain it. I guess you really have to receive flowers first to know how it feels.

We are all allowed to express our opinions about things. And in my opinion, those people who are openly against receiving flowers have probably never gotten any ever since they were born.

something I remembered

So you're a playboy now, huh?

Sus, napaiyak nga kita dati e.

HAHAHA.

music from the past

Some people may think of me as old-fashioned. I just tell them, "I have good taste." Come on, Justin Bieber isn't exactly what you call an 'artist' and people all over the world worship him like he's one hell of a musician. What has happened to the ears of mankind?

Moving on, lately, I've been listening to 'old' music. Last night, I downloaded songs by Bon Jovi, and I would listen to It's My Life and Living on a Prayer while I shower in the morning. I've also been listening to the Beatles, and this particular song touched my heart. I stumbled upon it while watching a movie this afternoon. And wow, it really touched my heart.

Here it is.

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more



In my life, I love you more

this week

Before the week ends and another starts, I want to share some of the highlights of the week. I was not able to post anything about them because the week was just too toxic. Organic chemistry was squeezing the life out of me. I feel like I'm 50 years older because of it. So does that make me 68 years old? Anyway, because I'm in the middle of solving some math problems for our group work, I'm gonna have to make this post snappy. You get it? Snappy? Oh darn it. Let the 'pictures' do the talking.

Organic chemistry DID squeeze the life out of me--including my sense of humor. So before it squeezes anything else from me, let's get this over with.

The day I felt so legal

Because I turned 18 last month, (exactly a month before May 10) I was able to take part in the historic automated election! Yeah, baby. Who's legal now, huh? It was fun. I had fun shading the 'bilog na hugis itlog'. But they weren't really egg-shaped. They looked more like ovals to me. :| And eggs are NOT oval. Yes, I'm talking about chicken eggs.

My oh-so-motivational-ultra-mini wall of motivation

Because Organic Chemistry was killing me and my hopes, I had to motivate myself. And since I had a lot of post-it's, I created this oh-so-motivational-ultra-mini wall of motivation. So now I turned my printer into a printer WITH an oh-so-motivational-ultra-mini wall of motivation. What do the post-it's say? Zoom in, people. Zoom in.

Cramming for Organic Chemistry

Nobody said it was going to be easy, but nobody said it was going to be hellishly hard. For the first time in my life, I felt so hopeless when faced with a subject. Sure, I had difficult subjects before, but they're nothing compared to Organic Chem. It's so hard, it puts diamonds to shame.

THE NAME PLATE

We finally got our name plates! It just feels so good to have one with my name on it. Oh yeah, this is just the motivation I need.

So there you go. If a picture paints a thousand words, this blog post speaks at least 4,000 words (including the ones I typed). So, bye for now. Anemia is attacking me again. :|

The Last Song

Usually when I get addicted to a certain song, I keep on listening to it over and over again until I find another good song. Right now I’m addicted to The Last Song by the All-American Rejects. I know it’s a breakup song, but who says breakup songs are only for those going through breakups? I really love this song. I like how direct and frank the lyrics are. I AM JUST SO IN LOVE WITH IT. I listen to it before going to bed, while taking a bath, in between study sessions, HELL YEAH, I AM ADDICTED TO IT.

This may be the last thing that I write for long
Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song?
For you and only you

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
My foot is out the door and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best
It wasn't me
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up? Let me know

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal
And now I sing it
Somehow I knew that it would be this way
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade
Now I am gone
Just try and stop me now

You wanted the best
It wasn't me
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up? Let me know

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

Will you need me now
You'll find a way somehow
You wanted to
I want it too

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

I posted this for the sake of keeping my blog alive. Or is it because of something else? I don’t know. I really feel this song. It’s not like I want to do what the song suggests the singer did. I just think that it’s the best breakup song EVER. Well at least for me it is. Maybe I might post this kind of stuff every Thursday. I don’t know. It depends. I don’t think readers care about the songs inside my head at a given time. Or do they? Arrrgh. Too many questions. Let’s just let it end this way. Shall we?

Louie, I miss you

This morning, right after my driving lesson with Daddy, I went back to my room to rest. It was way too early for me. We started driving at around 6:30 a.m., and I had to drag my body out of my bed to make it possible. I know I shouldn’t have watched last night’s Harapan since I had long ago decided to just vote for all the aspiring senators in the Liberal party. Oh well, so much for regrets. Moving on, after driving half-asleep all around the village, I was STILL half-asleep. It’s like I was ‘bangag’ the whole time, and I still can’t believe how I managed to drive well with half of my being still in dreamland. I thank God I didn’t get myself into trouble while driving under a trance. And yeah, I still managed to get a lot of praises from my Daddy. I think he didn’t notice that my eyes were only half-opened then.

And now to get to the whole point of why I’m blogging right now, look at the pictures below:

Yes, that’s my Louie. I mean, OUR Louie. Ken gave that bear to me on our first Christmas together. We named him Louie because it was the name written on the bear’s birth certificate. We couldn’t argue with a piece of paper. Nobody can. EVER. You read that?

Louie sounded like an acceptable name to us, so we didn’t bother wasting our brain cells thinking of a clever name for a half-naked bear that was to be our pseudo-bear-son. We might have changed it if the birth certificate said Bruno, Godzilla, or Barabas.

I really miss that bear. I can’t bring him to Manila because he’s too big for my bed. So I just took pictures. FYI, the third one's our first decent picture together. It’s the first time I ever managed to squeeze the two of us in a self-picture. It may be because my arm is longer now, or just because of my new wide-screen camera. Or did Louie get thinner?

So you might be asking, “Why the hell did you write such a long and boring paragraph about you driving half-asleep when all you wanted to do was to show us those pictures?!” My answer is salami.

p.s. I took the picture while I was resting and meditating inside my room.

one liner II

My online self is slowly dying.

just got published

What you see above is a comment made by a friend from Cagayan (I met her through Kumon). And she was talking about a blog post of mine that was published in Aspire, the official newsletter/magazine of Kumon Philippines, just this month. You read it right, my dear, I just got published—nationwide.

Two months ago, I received an e-mail from the Kumon head office asking for permission to have my blog post about the KCC published. Without hesitation, I said yes. It still makes me wonder how they found out about my blog in Livejournal, though. And I’m still kind of shocked since that post was badly written. Oh well. Moving on, after a few weeks, I received another e-mail along with a media release form. That was when I realized something—Kumon was serious about it.

So now, after studying a little bit for our Philosophy exam on Monday and having my heart broken by someone, I received good news from a friend. I’ve officially been published! Yay me!

And just when I was about to start typing this blog post, the deafening sound of silence was broken. There were fireworks! Yes, fireworks! Outside, in Paco Park, a wedding reception was being held and they had a display (Paco Park can directly be seen through the window at the foot of my bed). Really, it was amazing…just amazing. The timing couldn’t have been better.

That was just what I needed. After having such a lousy day, I needed something to cheer me up and prepare me for tomorrow’s butt-kicking. Now I can go to sleep with a smile on my face.

By the way, thank you, Nicko for your help. That part sounds kind of weird for me, though. O_O