For Now

While in the middle of typing my medical paper, I decided to blog. Yes, I'm always THAT distracted. It's like there's always something better to do that I have to do instead of studying. That's how things get done in my life. And then I will regret ever getting sidetracked once I end up just cramming everything the night before the deadline or whatever. Oh what the hell, only the good die young. Right? I'm not making any sense, am I?

I posted something about hating where I am right now in a certain social networking site. People were curious, really. They were telling me that I shouldn't really feel bad about it and blah, blah. Well I guess I really should be happy I'm here, and I guess there's not much I can do about it now. So for now, there's only one thing to do--do better. 

No way but up, my friend. No way. 

Oh God, please get me through the remaining years faster than a bullet.Wait, no. Faster than light itself. 

Trapped

It's just a waste of time, but I'm in it anyway. 

                                    -Waiting for the Bus

Toxicity is setting in. At this point, I'm not really as toxic as most of my batchmates. My time will come on October. Still, I can't help it. I can't love what I'm doing.

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to be a nurse. I'd really enjoy taking care of people and handling medicine plus other things. But what they're doing to us now is just not what I was expecting.

I just want to learn. I just want to be prepared for my future.

I don't want to kill myself with irrational requirements.

The pressure is killing me.

I have no way out. 

Thoughts

I think too much.

I think too much, and I’ve come to hate it. Not so much, though, because it becomes useful…at times. I over-analyze things and end up being confused even about the simplest things. Sometimes it helps like when I use my thoughts to solve the problem, but sometimes it destroys me especially when I think about the future too much. The future is the future. Nobody knows what it holds. I should not fear it. I should not think about it too much. It cripples me. Maybe I can give myself a chance to do so, but not so much.

Not so much. 

Cut

So finally, I decided to cut my hair short. First, I wanted to do this because it would be easier for me to tie short hair into a bun for our duty days instead of my usual thick and long hair. Second, I just want to feel...carefree. Thank God for all the positive feedback I got from people around me. I'm really enjoying my new hair. It may be messy MOST of the time, but it suits me well. I feel great with my hair. It's more like ME now. I don't need to maintain it so much, since I don't really care anymore. I'm happier, too. To hell with expensive hair treatments. I don't need straight hair to feel beautiful. Hahaha. There, I'm keeping it short and wavy. 

Prelude

So far, it’s been taxing.

What sets apart BS Nursing from other undergraduate courses is the degree of stress it puts on the students. What sets apart BS Nursing in UP Manila from those in other schools is that, well, everything is harder---and faster.

We’ve only just begun. Lord, please help me.  

My New Baby

The obligatory self-pic. Hehe. ;)

Day Two

To my surprise, I'm doing really well.

It's been two days since they left, and I'm back to my regular duties. I haven't cried so far. I guess I'm really recovering--fast. The thing is, I don't feel much of their absence when I'm here in Manila (as I said in my previous post) and it really helps to just think of them as being somewhere in Muntinlupa. My Dad even sent me a text message this morning. It doesn't feel too different compared to the old times when they were still in the same country as me. Yay for me, I'm progressing! I just hope it's true. I don't know what I'll feel when I go back home on Thursday. Maybe I'll just go back to square one. Then again, maybe just back to square three or four. 

Hey, look at this picture. 

Dad, Elaine (my niece), Mom carrying Rachel (my newest niece)

Cute, right? Knowing they're happy there and that they finally got the chance to meet the newest addition to our family made me feel so much better. And yes, Rachel (the baby) looks so much like me when I was young. It's like my Mom and Dad traveled to the past and found the younger me. Hahaha. 

I laughed so hard at school today because of a hundred different reasons, but mostly because of the epic cheers at N119. Thanks, batchmates. You made me feel better even if you didn't really intend to. :>