Jun 8, 2011

I Wanna

There are things that I really want to do, but because you can't always get what you want, I end up dreaming--just dreaming--that someday, in another lifetime, I'll be able to do these things.

I want to cut my hair short. I just want to feel light and carefree. That's how I perceive people with short hair. I think they're really liberated and free. Since I'm not really carefree or free or liberated, I guess I want to look the part. But no, because of my face shape, I just can't. It's just going to make my cheeks look fuller. My hair isn't that great too. It's just going to go in all directions once I cut it short. Having it long adds more downward 'pull' to my hair. 

I want to shift to another course. Yes, that's right. I don't want this course anymore. It's really, really hard. It's physically, emotionally, and, of course, mentally demanding. In the two years that I've been studying, I feel like I aged 30 years more. Or maybe, I just don't want to stay in this institution. I really want to go yellow

I want to go on a road trip with my girlfriends. I've been dying to do this. Again, I just want the feeling of liberation. It'll be really great. Going on a road trip with my closest friends will definitely be fun. I bet everything I own that it will be a rocking road trip. Crap. I don't even know what to say anymore! 

I want to get married early. I know, I know. I'm better off wishing for a rainbow-colored whale shark than to actually wish for this one to come true. But I'm a hopeless romantic. I want to get married before I enter med school. But of course, no kids until I graduate. I think it would really be great to have somebody to go home to after a tiring school day. I want him there, beside me, while I study. I want him there, preparing cups of coffee while I pull an all-nighter for an exam. Sigh. Dreams. 

I'm a coward. I don't act on these dreams because I can't. I live by other people's rules, and it'll break so many people's hearts if I start acting on these (especially the last one). But maybe, someday, I'll finally get the courage to do these things. I think the road trip doesn't sound so impossible. I just don't want to be the designated driver, okay? That would mean I'd have to focus on the road all the time. That's not going to be fun. I hope everybody's car has insurance. 


the bipolar stargazer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the bipolar stargazer said...


You'll only live once, why don't you go and do whatever you want? :) Sounds selfish and crazy I know, and I've been into tight situations and major fights because of doing things my way but I must say, I never regretted any of it. I might have felt bad about the wrong decisions in my life..but think about it, we have a lifetime to make up for those mistakes and I think seeking for second chances is much much better than wondering about the what ifs and could have beens. :)

Go cut your hair short - you have a year or two to grow it back.

Shift out, go to UST instead - in the end we'll receive the same diplomas anyway..but not all of us will have the same level of contentment and happiness.

Go on a road trip - I won't mind being the driver just as long as you don't mind that I'm not licensed yet. =))

GET MARRIED TO THE PERSON YOU LOVE. We'll all end up doing it (well at least for those who'll luckily find their right love). Sabi nga nila, una0unahan lang yan. =)) Parang kamatayan HAHAHAHA. And I know people who married early and still ended up successful in life. I think he's really a great inspiration for you. And you will always always have my support. :)

Breaking other people's rules..it doesn't seem so bad, does it? And besides, no one should be setting rules for you. It's your life and you should be living your own dreams..not somebody else's. :)

And yeah..so what =))

Joyce said...

@Effie: >:D< Your comment made me cry. Huhuhu. I wish I had enough bravery to do that. That's what I envy about you. You seem so...free. So courageous.

I'll try. I'll really try. With the hair? I might. Pero siguro pag-alis na lang nina mommy para symbolic. :)) And pag nag-shift ako at nagpuntang UST, mawawala scholarship ko. Sayang. :)) And I've gone so far. It must mean something. :>

About the road trip. It's fine with me! :))

Crap. I really want to get married na. But I don't think he'll agree. I'm just thinking positively that maybe if we wait some more, we'll have a fairy tale wedding. :> I wish. :))

I know. I should be setting my own rules. But...I don't know. I think I should start working on that. Sigh. Thank you so much, Effie! I want to go out and drink anything from Happy Lemon with you. :>