There are things that I really want to do, but because you can't always get what you want, I end up dreaming--just dreaming--that someday, in another lifetime, I'll be able to do these things.
I want to cut my hair short. I just want to feel light and carefree. That's how I perceive people with short hair. I think they're really liberated and free. Since I'm not really carefree or free or liberated, I guess I want to look the part. But no, because of my face shape, I just can't. It's just going to make my cheeks look fuller. My hair isn't that great too. It's just going to go in all directions once I cut it short. Having it long adds more downward 'pull' to my hair.
I want to shift to another course. Yes, that's right. I don't want this course anymore. It's really, really hard. It's physically, emotionally, and, of course, mentally demanding. In the two years that I've been studying, I feel like I aged 30 years more. Or maybe, I just don't want to stay in this institution.
I really want to go yellow.
I want to go on a road trip with my girlfriends. I've been dying to do this. Again, I just want the feeling of liberation. It'll be really great. Going on a road trip with my closest friends will definitely be fun. I bet everything I own that it will be a rocking road trip. Crap. I don't even know what to say anymore!
I want to get married early. I know, I know. I'm better off wishing for a rainbow-colored whale shark than to actually wish for this one to come true. But I'm a hopeless romantic. I want to get married before I enter med school. But of course, no kids until I graduate. I think it would really be great to have somebody to go home to after a tiring school day. I want him there, beside me, while I study. I want him there, preparing cups of coffee while I pull an all-nighter for an exam. Sigh. Dreams.
I'm a coward. I don't act on these dreams because I can't. I live by other people's rules, and it'll break so many people's hearts if I start acting on these (especially the last one). But maybe, someday, I'll finally get the courage to do these things. I think the road trip doesn't sound so impossible. I just don't want to be the designated driver, okay? That would mean I'd have to focus on the road all the time. That's not going to be fun. I hope everybody's car has insurance.