Jun 20, 2011

Day One

It's Monday, the start of a brand new week. Although I have a lot of things I should be looking forward to like the long weekend ahead and moving in to my new condominium unit, I don't feel so fine. 

It's been a day since my parents left for California. Thank God they had a safe trip. This afternoon, my sister uploaded a picture of my parents as they arrived at California. They were all smiles. I couldn't help but smile as well and forget about my own selfish reasons for being sad. 
I'm back in Manila again. Before, my Mom would accompany me in commuting. Today I had Gizelle instead. The ride somehow cheered me up as we talked about Lee Min Ho and other stuff (mostly about Lee Min Ho, still). I only had one complaint about the bus ride--the scent. Curse all those pine tree shaped air conditioners. 

Going back to Manila usually makes me sad, but today it's different. Yes, I still feel sad about leaving home, but I feel slightly better here than back home. Here I can just imagine that my parents are there at our house, and not in another continent, in another time zone. At home, I felt their absence. There were spaces and gaps. Looking at the places where I usually expected to find them was heartbreaking. The sadness was everywhere. I felt it when I looked at my sister's eyes. I heard it in the silence that was ever more present at our house. I saw it in my niece's actions. I felt it run down my cheek.

While studying, I had to listen to music to cancel all the other noises here in the room. I cried when Kiss the Rain started playing. Maybe I should think of removing it from the playlist temporarily. 

People keep telling me that there's always Skype, and that my parents will return soon. But those words can never replace the emptiness I'm feeling now. Everything reminds me of my parents. I miss how I would kiss them both in the cheek before I leave the house. I miss how I would do the same thing when I come back. I miss everything about them. Pictures and phone calls, or Skype-ing can never make up for those moments. Never.

I know they will return. In a few months, a few years, I really don't know. Nobody knows. Even my parents don't know when they'll return. But for now, I have nothing but a sad and almost empty heart. The road to recovery may be hard and long, but I'll take it. I take my first step today. 

By the way, I extend my congratulations to Pagbabago Party for winning majority of the positions (including the Presidential position) in the recent village elections. Yes, Lord, I take it as a pun

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