For Now

While in the middle of typing my medical paper, I decided to blog. Yes, I'm always THAT distracted. It's like there's always something better to do that I have to do instead of studying. That's how things get done in my life. And then I will regret ever getting sidetracked once I end up just cramming everything the night before the deadline or whatever. Oh what the hell, only the good die young. Right? I'm not making any sense, am I?

I posted something about hating where I am right now in a certain social networking site. People were curious, really. They were telling me that I shouldn't really feel bad about it and blah, blah. Well I guess I really should be happy I'm here, and I guess there's not much I can do about it now. So for now, there's only one thing to do--do better. 

No way but up, my friend. No way. 

Oh God, please get me through the remaining years faster than a bullet.Wait, no. Faster than light itself. 

Trapped

It's just a waste of time, but I'm in it anyway. 

                                    -Waiting for the Bus

Toxicity is setting in. At this point, I'm not really as toxic as most of my batchmates. My time will come on October. Still, I can't help it. I can't love what I'm doing.

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to be a nurse. I'd really enjoy taking care of people and handling medicine plus other things. But what they're doing to us now is just not what I was expecting.

I just want to learn. I just want to be prepared for my future.

I don't want to kill myself with irrational requirements.

The pressure is killing me.

I have no way out. 

Thoughts

I think too much.

I think too much, and I’ve come to hate it. Not so much, though, because it becomes useful…at times. I over-analyze things and end up being confused even about the simplest things. Sometimes it helps like when I use my thoughts to solve the problem, but sometimes it destroys me especially when I think about the future too much. The future is the future. Nobody knows what it holds. I should not fear it. I should not think about it too much. It cripples me. Maybe I can give myself a chance to do so, but not so much.

Not so much.