Dec 29, 2011

I don't want to go back to school yet

It's already the 29th of December. In a few days, I'll be dragging my lazy butt back to the polluted streets of Manila to study my brain out. Worse, I'll be going on duty again, and THAT is even worse than having an exam everyday. 

The vacation's not yet over, and yet, I already miss it. In fact, I'm already feeling homesick even now that I'm still here. Thinking about leaving gives me that feeling that I don't really like. Thinking of the days and nights that I'll be staying awake because of requirements make me sick to the stomach. I'm not saying that I don't want to do those anymore. I just want more time to rest and to prepare myself. I haven't fully recovered from the blow of last semester. The effects of all those burnout-inducing days of hell have not completely evacuated my system. I'm still too tired from the things we did from last semester and now I'll be facing another hurdle which is even harder than the first. 

The reason I've been evading all type of school-related things is that I want to rest. I just want to break free from those that give me negative feelings. I didn't really want to have this emotion towards school, but I couldn't help it. I just want to go to school to learn. But really, how can I learn when I have this pervading feeling that 'I'm going to fail' stuck inside of my system. I want to learn without fear of anything. I want to enjoy it. This, I think is not possible. 

And this is probably one of those days where I'm regretting, with every inch of my being, why I didn't go yellow

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