Better late than never

Happy new year! 

As you can see, this is my first blog post for 2012, and it's already halfway through February. As I said in my title up there, better late than never.

Since 2012 started, our clinical duty rotations have also started, and they kept me busy like a madman. Papers here, there, and everywhere, made it really impossible for me to have time to express my thoughts and thingamaniggers here in my blog. It's been a sad, sad life. It's not over yet, though, for we have lots of rotations to conquer, but now is my free week so I'm relatively 'free' (except for that freakin' med paper which I haven't even started yet). Anyhow, school still sucks--and that's a sucky fact. 

What gets me through is the motivation that someday, I'll be able to leave all these behind and lead a better life out there (out there = outside this freakin' continent). I most especially hate it when people ask me why I won't be pursuing medicine. Well, first of all, it's really not for me. Second, I'm tired of studying. Third, my sister has co-nurses in California who all were able to graduate from varying prestigious med schools in the Philippines--and still chose to work as nurses. And fourth, why struggle when I'm bound to leave the country anyway?

As you might have assumed, I'm the Type X employee Douglas McGregor has been raving about. I dislike work. I work only if I'll benefit from it. And I suck at groupworks. To sum it all up, I'm just lazy and selfish. And oh yeah, I'm very, very hateful.

I have this ultra-weird personality that my boyfriend even assumed that I have that freakin' personality disorder that most people chose to make movies about--Borderline Personality Disorder. I laughed at the idea, but after searching the net for the characteristics of a person with BPD, I was like, "OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH.THAT IS FREAKIN' ME." Well, not definitely, but it's likely. I'm not a nice person, so you're just gonna have to Google it on your own. Moving on, yes, I admit, I'm not a nice person. I throw around hate so often, that it's really hard for me to name things or persons that I do not actually 'hate'. I choose my friends (so to all my friends out there, lucky you for you've all been chosen). I judge a lot (specially based on appearances). And yeah, I tend to withdraw. I withdraw when things seem so difficult that I expect things to go well during my absence. I withdraw when I don't want to deal with the world. I withdraw when I'm tired. But hey, who doesn't. Everybody feels that way at some point in his or her life, too, right? I guess I'm just human enough to not care about what others may think and to actually care only for myself. Selfish, I know. But yes, I've been skipping group meetings. I've also been ignoring messages from friends who are highly 'diplomatic'. I've been turning a blind eye to groupworks and such. I just need some rest. It's almost the end of our 'free' week, and I'm still stressed as ever. Forgive me, but on this day, I choose to ignore and withdraw to my personal world. 

Stress, I'll deal with you tomorrow. 

Ignorance commences. Now.