Certainty

Never, in my life, have I been more sure.

I love you.

driving

Let go of the things that are pulling you back, but don't force it. Do it slowly.
Just like how slowly you let go of the clutch in order to move forward.
Letting go really takes time.

awwww

I never thought I'd say this, but I guess Justin Bieber's not a loser after all.

I really am desperate for such things.

a slap in the face

Looking at gorgeous people feels like being slapped.

Some people have it all. Sigh.

music from the past

Some people may think of me as old-fashioned. I just tell them, "I have good taste." Come on, Justin Bieber isn't exactly what you call an 'artist' and people all over the world worship him like he's one hell of a musician. What has happened to the ears of mankind?

Moving on, lately, I've been listening to 'old' music. Last night, I downloaded songs by Bon Jovi, and I would listen to It's My Life and Living on a Prayer while I shower in the morning. I've also been listening to the Beatles, and this particular song touched my heart. I stumbled upon it while watching a movie this afternoon. And wow, it really touched my heart.

Here it is.

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more



In my life, I love you more

of life and craziness

Ever since my second year in college began, I have experienced so many things, crazy things perhaps, which I have been meaning to share to the literate community of the cosmos. But not until now have I had the courage and the will to actually type something that somehow resembles, or can actually be, a blog post of many paragraphs. So without further blabbering, sit down and read about the life-changing or seemingly ‘crazy’ things I have been through, so far, in my second year as a UPCN student.

It all started with the physical assessment thing. During that time, I thought touching AND feeling the insides of my friend’s mouth was awkward. I mean, come on, that’s just pretty weird for somebody to stick her hand into her friend’s mouth with or without latex gloves. And yeah, when my friend and I did that, we were pretty freaked out. But lo and behold, some weeks after that, news came that we would have to ‘feel’ or, in scientific terms, ‘palpate’ our partner’s boobies, ahem, breasts. In addition to that ‘stunt’ we then would also have to examine our breasts in front of our professors. Oh come on, I don’t have to explain why I find the breast thing ‘crazy’. Fortunately, though, in this world, there exist those brave and courageous people we call ‘volunteers’ and those miracles we call ‘shortage of time’. Because of those things, I was spared. Yes, I was spared from the scarring that could have happened to me and to my friends.

The craziness doesn’t end there, though. On a darker note, it was also the second time for me to actually feel bad because of academics now that I’m in college. Organic Chemistry ruined my life last summer, and I have moved on from all the heartbreak and the misery that came along with it. Now, there’s N10 who’s always breaking my heart. I think I actually flunked the first two tests, and I had to take removals for our first laboratory exam. There was even a time when I had no hope, and I thought I really wanted to shift out of this degree program. Well, I’m still not overly confident, and I still want to shift out of this degree program. However, I’m glad to say I have somehow moved on from these things too because of the words of encouragement I had gathered from friends and loved ones. Failures from the past just make me want to strive more and work harder to not let N10 break my heart over and over again. And it’s a 5 unit course for crying out loud! I really have to work my butt off. Just wait and see, I’ll be a doctor someday! *evil laugh*

Besides the academic frustration I experienced and I’m still ‘slightly’ experiencing to date, there were this ‘weird’ bonding experiences I had with my batch mate. Before, there was just the breast examination which I was able to escape from. Now, we have bed bathing! Anybody with at least half a brain would know what it is, so I guess I don’t have to waste my precious time explaining. Moving on, we were required to ‘practice’ and give bed baths to our partners. Unfortunately, my partner had already volunteered before our demo, so in our demo, I was automatically the patient. So I had to strip down to my ‘unmentionables’, put on a hospital gown, and just wait for the ‘nurse’ to bathe me. Since I was already numb to all the craziness, I did all those things. But to make things worse, my partner and I CHOSE THE WRONG BED. Why? The bed was right beside one of the two functional sinks in the demo room. From time to time, somebody would go to the sink to get some water. The drapes didn’t serve their function too. Some people just don’t know how to respect other people’s privacy. While I was being bathed, somebody would just go right through the drapes and talk to my professor. My partner and I would just laugh it off. I think a piece of my dignity went down the drain that day. It was lost among the bubbles created by my partner’s mitt rubbing my skin. Haha.

AND ON THE SAME DAY, we were tasked to brush and floss our partner’s teeth. We had no choice but to do it. It was pretty embarrassing though, especially when I ‘accidentally’ spitted on my partner’s hand. (I’m so sorry, Ella. :c )The flossing part wasn’t any easier. I already have difficulties flossing my own teeth, as if I still do, and it was so much harder to do on somebody else’s teeth. You just don’t know whether you’re already hurting your partner or not. It’s also really hard to reach the molars. Thank the heavens I survived that day.

These things weren’t as FUN the moment they were taking place. It takes some time to get over it and to look back. Then you’d realize and say, “Well, that was crazy, but FUN.” That’s how some good memories are made.

Definitely, I’m having a hard time right now not only because of, ahem, matters of the heart, but mainly because of school. I expected this type of things the moment I learned that I passed the UPCAT and got in the deadly ‘triple’ quota. I’m feeling really harassed at the moment, but someday, I’m sure, I’m going to look back and say “Thank You” to my sadistic but Excellent (capital E) school. For now, I’ll just take things one at a time and cherish every waking minute of my life. There’s more to come. There’ll be more hardships and challenges—and craziness—in the future. So what? As long as I still believe in myself and the power that I have inside of me, I WILL make it. I have my life in my hands.


Sabi nga ni Ely Buendia, “Ikaw ang diyos at hari ng iyong mundo.Matakot sila sa’yo.”




I don’t want my life to be ‘perfect’. I want it to be worth it. In the end, I just want to look back and say, “What a great ride!”



Until next time :)

wrong

I guess I spoke too soon.
Something IS wrong.

And I'm tired of trying.
That's bad news for YOU.

it's clear now

Nothing was wrong.
I was just missing you badly.

I'm really looking forward to those days when I can wake up each morning and find you there.