when the lights go out

The lights go out.

You neither scream nor cry out loud.

You feel at peace.

As you feel around the darkness.

Listening to footsteps.

To breaths.

You find him.

You hold on tight.

The lights go back.

You look up.

And it kills you.

It's not him. 

Vivere Libero

To live free.

Who doesn't want to?

To live free from all the restrictions. To be able to get a tattoo on your wrist without other people judging you or without other institutions banning your entry because of that simple form of self-expression immortalized on your wrist. To get away from the things that make you unhappy or the things that waste your precious time like sadistic and close-minded professors.To go on a road trip taking nothing but your clothes, your car, and enough gas for your car. To express your love for somebody without fear of being judged by society. To say things out loud without being labelled as blunt, rash, or arrogant. Ah, the things I've always wanted to do, but continue to remain in my reverie as the dreams for tomorrow when I gather up enough courage to live the life I've always wanted. 

But I'm pretty sure that someday, I will. 

Matters of the Heart

The young doctor was disappointed: he had never had the opportunity to study the effects of gold cyanide on a cadaver. Dr. Juvenal Urbino had been surprised that he had not seen him at the Medical School, but he understood in an instant from the young man's easy blush and Andean accent that he was probably a recent arrival to the city. He said: "There is bound to be someone driven mad by love who will give you the chance one of these days." And only after he said it did he realize that among the countless suicides he could remember, this was the first with cyanide that had not been caused by the sufferings of love. Then something changed in the tone of his voice.

"And when you do find one, observe with care," he said to the intern: "they almost always have crystals in their heart."

-An excerpt from Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

It's sad how things don't always stay as they are. How past promises don't always follow through. Or how past vows don't always get remembered. It's sad how love, among all the other transient things in this world, does not become an exception. 

I don't know, but I'm really sad right now. Whether it's just PMS or all the sad news that I received today, I can feel it in my heart that something is wrong. I've been weighing it all now, and I don't like what it all added up to. 

Compromise is really not my thing. 

PGH Walk

On Sundays, I go to PGH to attend sunday mass in the chapel. Sometimes, it can get so lonely since not too many people are around during that time. Well, except for the chapel itself, maybe. But it's different knowing how PGH is like when there are many people around and actually being there when nobody is. I've been going there for three Sundays already (I think), and today, I decided to bring my camera with me, since I'm lagging a million lightyears behind my 'photography'. So here are the two best pictures I got from the place. I hope you like them. :)

 

Why I Hate the Good

I hate good people.

Why? Because I think they're hypocrites. I think they're fake. I think they're doing these things to appear clean, and above everybody else. I hate them.

I believe that nobody is ever 100% good, and there's no use pretending that you are. I hate how other people idolize such beings, or how much these beings rub off their holiness into other people. People are people--not saints. 

So stop acting like every freakin' thing you do is for 'mankind' or whatever. Be real. 

I'd rather be friends with people who are mean, but true, than to be friends with a modern-day Jesus who's only motive is to please people.

Put a sock in it, sister.

Out of Place

I never thought it would happen to me, but yes, awkward as it was, it did.

I was sitting there, alone. They had their own group, they talked of their own experiences, while I painfully sought for any chance of entry into the conversation. It didn't come.

I started it on my own, but it died a natural death.

It was painfully awkward, but thanks for the night.
It was nice meeting you all. :)

Now I know that it's good I'm always friendly toward a 'new' person.