Jul 25, 2010

a slump

Since last week, I’ve been in a slump. No, wait, not only last week, but the week before that and the week before that…oh hell, life has really been difficult. I’ve been screwing up a lot of my major exams, and I haven’t been doing well at other things. I’ve been finding myself being easily annoyed by other people, and I frequently cry because of frustration. It’s like I’m a having a long period of PMS. I wish it’s just PMS, but it’s not. I’m in a terrible slump, and I badly need motivation. And that’s not my only problem.

I have personal problems and please don’t let me get started on it.

I’ve been tempted a lot of times already to do one evil thing that can hurt somebody else. But if it’s the only way I can be happy, so be it. Until now, I haven’t done that thing because, of course, it’s wrong, and either way there’s no certainty. I’m caught between a dream and a habit—if you know what I mean. Should I chase my long-time dream? Or stick to the habit that’s barely making me happy now. There’s too much at risk. I don’t think my ‘dream’ would want me still, nor do I believe anymore that my ‘habit’ is going to ‘change’ for me.

Please, give me a sign.


Alyzza said...

Ako din! 3 weeks na. :(

And I'm also torn between a life-long dream and a habit. Sometimes I feel like wanting to shift to Music. I can still get into med school if I take the required units of Bio, Math, whatever. My doctor (who was a UP graduate) told me that Bio didn't help her in med school (in UST). She said that she should have taken med tech instead. Gah, sometimes I think that maybe playing the piano and singing will satisfy that empty space in myself.

Again I want you to feel that you're not alone. I'm also flunking major exams. Gah.

Anonymous said...


i've talked about this already. hope that helped.

Just remember [from Paramore]:

"I'm not going, 'cause I've been waiting for a miracle. And I'm not leaving. And I won't let you, let you give up on a miracle and it might save you."

the bipolar stargazer said...

Don't go for short-lived happiness. :) Because at the end of the day, you'd still feel empty and sad and worse, guilty. And don't go for make-believe happiness either. :) If you know you're not happy with what you're doing, or what you have right now, maybe something's really wrong with the system. And you need to fix it as soon as possible.

Unknown said...

Don't worry. At least kayo, majors problema niyo. Valid reason. Sa amin, pseudo-majors... Mga nagpapaka-major na core... UNFAIR! :c