I just got home, and I’m not happy. I’ve been carrying this within me since my previous post, and I really don’t want to tell anybody about it.
Right now, I’m just feeling so insufficient, so ugly, and so…colored. Oh how I envy the clouds, the cotton balls, the retina of my eyes, the polar bears and her.
I know I have so much more, but why can’t you just see past my one single flaw and make me feel that I’m enough for you—that I’m good enough for you. Oh, wait. That’s because I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never be good enough for you. And it’s just sad…because in my eyes, you are perfect.
Maybe, just maybe, I’ll find someone who would appreciate me and love me because I am me. Somebody who wouldn’t, in any sense, urge me to change.
I know you’re not forcing me to, but I feel the need to. It’s the only way to keep you.
Someday, someone will bust in the door and take me away (whether you’re still there or not). Whoever that someone is, let him come now.
I just want to feel beautiful…and loved.