Jan 22, 2010

save me

I just got home, and I’m not happy. I’ve been carrying this within me since my previous post, and I really don’t want to tell anybody about it.

Right now, I’m just feeling so insufficient, so ugly, and so…colored. Oh how I envy the clouds, the cotton balls, the retina of my eyes, the polar bears and her.

I know I have so much more, but why can’t you just see past my one single flaw and make me feel that I’m enough for you—that I’m good enough for you. Oh, wait. That’s because I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never be good enough for you. And it’s just sad…because in my eyes, you are perfect.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll find someone who would appreciate me and love me because I am me. Somebody who wouldn’t, in any sense, urge me to change.

I know you’re not forcing me to, but I feel the need to. It’s the only way to keep you.

Someday, someone will bust in the door and take me away (whether you’re still there or not). Whoever that someone is, let him come now.

I just want to feel beautiful…and loved.


effie said...

they'll never know how important we are until we're gone. :)
punta tayo tarlac. yung may TAKSYAPO. [tama ba?] haha!

Joyce said...

@Effie: I know. I just wish I had the courage to just...go.

Tarlac? Ano yung taksyapo?!

radioactivesamurai said...

I think you are one of the most beautiful people I've met. In all aspects.

Everyone feels this kind of feeling once in a while (or most of the days of their lives) but maybe you should take these feelings and strive to exceed your limits and love yourself more :D

Good luck, Joyce!

Joyce said...

@Kriselle: Awww. Thanks. >:D< Your comment brought tears to my eyes. :))

I know. Maybe it's just one of those days. I'm just finding it really hard to move on...Thanks again, Kris. >:D<

Alyzza said...

I was fighting the urge to PM you and ask you about what's troubling you. I feel weird talking about things like this through YM. It's good you posted it.

That's sad, but hey, you're beautiful. If you need girl talk, I'm only one text away. :)

About the courage about going, I feel sad. We share the same feeling. But after some time, the feeling disappears. Then it reappears. WTH? I am so confused. O.o

Joyce said...

@Alyzza: Thanks, Alyzza. I can't text you now. Walang load globe ko eh. =)) Well anyway, thanks talaga. :) I need girl talk.Badly. But I have a stack of schoolwork to do. :(( Hindi nga ako nakauwi eh. I'm stuck here in Manila. I have to review for something. :(

IKR. It's a recurring feeling. I just don't want to have regrets. But then again, everything happens for a reason. :|

Anonymous said...

word verification: pyrib

TAKSYAPO - yan yata ang mura nila sa tarlac. sinisigaw nila yan habang hinahagis ang mga babasaging bagay sa pader. maraming topics yun from bossy people to cheaters.

I may not offer girl talks like these gals, but I want to say I'll still be here no matter what. I may look like an insignificant being to even care about this, but I still care otherwise. :D